I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
