My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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