I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
