he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
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I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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