So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
