I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
