She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
