Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
