whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday