Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition