How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
