take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
