Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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