Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
