It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
