I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
