I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
