If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
