I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
