Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
