the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
