ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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