i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize