I just made out with a guy for $7.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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