It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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