Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
