these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
