I want to have your abortion
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
