the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
