she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
