Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
