Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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