I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
