theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
