so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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