I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
