She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
