I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
