dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My penis needs a shock collar
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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