Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
