All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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