i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
