I think im going to throw up on grandma
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
