His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
