I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
