i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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