Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it was like eating out sand paper
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
