My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
