He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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