It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
