I'm so fucking centered right now
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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