i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
