she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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