I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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