did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
