And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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