I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
