I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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