This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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