are you so shy because you have an std?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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